dear sister, Thu Le', once said to me, "You need to start writing
everything down. Everytime you have a thought, write it down."
Also, my practitioner said, "It'd be great if you kept a journal
next to your bed, so when you wake up, you can write down the
first thing that comes in your head." Hence, I started doing that.
I like to put down as creatively as I can my theories towards
therapy and life in general...I am open for debate (although I
am pretty bad at it)...
EACH OTHER'S INSECURITIES...
Unfortunately, insecurity can present itself as anger and
blame. This happens because the person who is feeling insecure
has a hard time admitting it, so rather it comes out passively,
or aggressively - or perhaps a combo of both. When a person is
feeling insecure, they are in more child energy - they are not
their 25 or 35 year old self. They are probably around six or
of this, if you are the one they are coming to in that child energy
- it may be challenging for you to be there for them - and the
two of you may end up in conflict. What's needed is SUPPORT and
EMPATHY. Here's a simple way to do that:
Imagine a seven-year old child coming up to you with insecurities.
Even imagine them coming to you in a temper-tantrum way...Would
you get mad at them? Would you start defending yourself and ask
them, "Why do you take your issues out on me?" Of course
time, see if you can relate to your partner in his/her child energy
- the same way you would relate to a child who is worried or insecure.
*Excerpt from my upcoming book entitled "US".
IS NOT A STIGMA. THERAPY IS GROWTH. GROWTH IS PRACTICE.
Too many times I hear that people think if you go to therapy it
means there's something wrong with you. There is not. Experiencing
any form of therapy is a pathway to growing, moving through the
blockages, living a richer life, and enabling yourself to connect
and just be. To allow you to roll with the moments and focus on
the present, which may be difficult to do. Sometimes getting a
little guidance from an objective, nonjudgmental place helps you
to feel more open and, essentially, helps you grow. With this
growth comes practice, practice, practice. Allowing yourself to
practice knowing your needs, and satisfying them...with patience
All About Me...this is my mantra. Taking responsibility for
ourselves, our behaviors, our decisions, and the care of our own
self is empowering, loving, and necessary. The moment I truly
grasped the idea that I have all I need inside of me to get where
I want to go - to take care of myself - I felt empowered. I hear
a lot of people give their power away when they say phrases such
as, "He made me feel so stupid..." or "She made
me so angry". From my experience anyone can do and/or say
anything they want - but it is up to me as to how I choose to
respond, and essentially how I choose to take care of myself in
the moment. If I'm not able to make a choice and/or respond in
a way that takes care of me, then that is what I need to look
at and explore. That is possibly what needs to be healed.
are our mirrors... they are our way of getting to know ourselves,
our way of choosing to know ourselves. An intimate relationship
can be just the reflection we need to lead us to the light of
healing our traumas, great and small. Our traumas are what lead
us to attainment, enlightenment - peace - harmony. When one can
embrace their traumas and begin to appreciate the emotional pain
and suffering they have experienced, they will be on their path
to true healing and grace (...and fulfilling relationships!).
OF COMMUNICATION BREEDS RESENTMENT.
may not be everything but it can alter an unfolding of a person's
life in a split second. A turn of the head, a missed exit, a traffic
jam, a last minute decision to take a trip, an irresistable job
offer across the country, an off comment - any one of these events
can affect the way one's life unfolds, and all of them are influenced
by how we perceive ourselves and life in that moment.
This is especially shown in relationships. How many times do you
see couples date, move apart, and then reconcile later in life?
Or see two really great people never get their paths to quite
meet? He likes her, she likes him - but never at the same time.
Or, you see two people that have been friends for years upon years
finally get together? Or how many times have you watched yourself
or a friend look back on an old love and have regret?
It can kick your butt. It can make your day. It can catapult you
into a new level of feeling and living. From my experience, we
allow different levels of love to come into our lives depending
on where we are at that time in our life. I have to say it again,
timing can kick your butt - but it can undoubtedly, without question,
lead you into the greatest experiences of your life, especially
when it comes to falling in love. I look forward to embracing
those moments when the timing is just on, and it feels like home.
CONFLICT can be difficult and/or it can be easy. From my
experiences, in order to stop resentment and the eventual demise
of a relationship, the two people must communicate. Communication
will occur from the standpoint of each person's willingness to
take accountability for his/her behavior and see how s/he can
adjust and heal in order to do things in a way that supports the
relationship. This ability to take accountability is what could
possibly make resolving the conflict difficult.
TRUST is created when we take accountability for our behaviors.
We can trust ourselves to be capable of owning up to our mistakes
and our faults. And, when others do the same - we can trust them.
Taking accountability is a loving and emotionally grounding thing
to do. It is also compassionate to ACCEPT ourselves and others
- regardless of mistakes or faults. When we allow COMPASSION into
our hearts, it opens up our ability to grow together and with
OWNERSHIP. Each person's ability to take accountability
is most likely based on what they have learned and know to be
true about themselves, other people, and relationships. If a person
has learned in their childhood to withdraw, repress their feelings,
point, blame, deny, etc,. most likely they will not be in a place
to be conscious of their behavior and take accountability. If
a person has learned in their childhood to express their feelings,
communicate, listen to others, take personal responsibility, etc.,
s/he will have a better chance of doing just that. Conflict can
be a significant gateway to invite each person to look at themselves
INTENTIONS MEAN NOTHING...it is how the person has received
it. For example, if I say something with absolutely no intentions
of being hurtful, but my beloved ends up feeling hurt - for me
to say, "Oh well, that's not what I meant, so..." would
be unloving and inconsiderate. It is important to nurture any
relationship you have, especially when feelings have been hurt.
Regardless of your intention, being mindful of how it has been
received - and nurturing any indirect hurt - will allow your relationship
to be nourished and fulfilled.
all of this comes the need for consistency. CONSISTENCY BUILDS
TRUST. Lack of consistency can lead to distrust. Bottom line.
Life From the Inside Out...On January 31, 2003, I spent the
day with the buddhist monks of the Deer Park Monestary and the
venerable Thich Nhat Hanh. I used to believe that anyone that
joined a monestary of any kind, whether it be the priesthood,
a convent, a monk, etc., never truly lived. Today I asked myself,
"Am I truly living?" What is the definition of "truly
living" anyway? If we go according to mainstream America
and nationwide media antics, I would have to say it is partying,
sowing your oats, having relationships, and all other external
ways of life. What about what is happening inside? Since I have
gone on the internal journey, my way of living has undoubtedly
shifted. There is nothing that money can buy, no stimulus that
can be created, no love that can be shared that is as rich, energizing,
and comforting as to what I can find when I search myself internally.
Truly living is getting to a place of enlightenment when that
search becomes natural, effortless, and cultural. We all struggle
through life. We all suffer at some time or another. Today, I
make a choice to practice not suffering and truly live life from
the inside out.
Little Story About Four Characters You May Have Heard Of...
Have you ever met a character named ANXIETY? ANXIETY is a big
ole' pain in the butt - always regretting the past and worrying
about the future. DEPRESSION is ANXIETY'S best friend. It likes
to jump in there with ANXIETY and do a little dance in your head.
They cheer each other on and pat each other on the back. Then,
along comes the PRESENT. The PRESENT gives ANXIETY and DEPRESSION
a reality check - it takes deep breaths and grounds itself by
hanging out with the MOMENT. The PRESENT and the MOMENT don't
regret the past or worry about the future, they just chill together,
enjoy one another, give each other support, and roll with the
punches. ANXIETY and DEPRESSION fight for attention but since
your directing your love and energy to the PRESENT and the MOMENT,
they just wither away and become lifeless while the PRESENT and
the MOMENT become powerful and strong!
© 2003 Aimee Zakrewski