we write represent where we are in our own lives..."
is a riveting, compelling, and very real love story. In
a young woman's quest for salvation through the external
world, she finds herself and her true connection to spirituality.
Inspired by author Tom Robbins and my own personal healing.
began to get angry. "What have I done to deserve this?"
she thought, "I've done so much for this lifetime.
I've lived an almost virtuous life! I've paid my taxes!
I don't jaywalk! I pay my bills on time! I've volunteered
my time for the good of others! I've even had pity sex!
I've tried to better myself! What does the universe want
was tired. Real tired. Life was supposed to be good. She
was doing all she could to feel good and everything felt
like it was falling down on her like a bag of cement. Like
a thousand midgets in a bouncing castle that could only
hold five hundred.
that make sense?" she thought. No, none of it makes
sense. I've done it all. I've meditated, I've done yoga,
I've chanted, I sat in 10 days of silence for the love of
God! I've done Ta'i Chi, Qi Qong, beat the s--- out of pillows
- and you have yet to show me your stuff! Where are my benefits?!"
began to fight the dust particles. She thrust her fists
forward, upward; all around like a madwoman in a feline
brawl. She jumped on her bed and threw a temper tantrum,
kicking and screaming and then jumped back up to fight the
air again and again. Tears of frustration and despair began
to pour from her eyes incessantly, she could taste the salt
as it flew through the air with her wailing arms, dancing
an insidious dance she'd never known before. Mid-flail she
caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Arms in the air,
she stopped and stared blankly at the reflection. Who is
that stranger, she thought. She looked away, unable to make
eye contact; too ashamed, too angry with the person looking
fool, why don't you step up to the plate?" she
heard the reflection say.
Looove : "Cell Phone"
He wiped the sweat from his forehead, smearing a line of
dirt that had built up from shingling a roof all day. Shaking
his head with frustration, he grabbed a cold beer out of
the refrigerator, popping it quickly, attempting to wash
away the cotton that had been residing in his throat for
the last four hours. He had wanted to finish quickly, and
coming down from the roof would waste too much time. It
had been an unusually hot day for November with the heat
burning through the SPF 50 he had piled on before the sun
reared it's blazing head.
He stood there staring at the collage of photographs decorating
the front and sides of his fridge, focusing his eyes on
one in particular, and quickly removing the thought of her
out of his head. He walked around the corner to pick up
the phone and check his voice messages. Eight new messages.
Rolling his eyes back, he quickly breezed through the first
five, pressing two to save over and over again, clogging
his mailbox with more unnecessary banter he'd have to listen
The sixth call came at 1:17pm, and the voice that came on
made his heart jump, stopping him from hitting the two button
once again. He glanced over at the photograph on the fridge:
Anna. Sadness and anger immediately consumed him as he thought
of how much she excited him and angered him at the same
"Hi Baby...it's me." Her voice made him weak.
Four months since they parted and she still called him Baby.
There was a long pause. He could hear the grainy echo of
a cell phone on the other line. He hated when she used that.
An old eighties song was playing in through the receiver.
It was "I Try to Say 'I Love You" by Gloria Estefan.
He could hear her muffled shouts in the background. "Can
you hear that song, baby? I'm feeling a bit emotional right
now..." she paused again as the music faded and her
voice became clearer. "Baby, I know it's a sappy song,
but it totally made me think of you. I-I miss you - so much."
He could hear her sniffle and tears began to form in the
corner of his eyes. He missed her too. Their parting was
so abrupt and angry; both so frustrated that neither could
compromise with the other that they hadn't spoken since.
He heard her breath deeply before she started speaking very
quickly, with the same passion he adored and also hated...
had three fears. Fear of infedility; Fear of being barren;
and Fear of being hit by a Mack truck. When two of her fears
become a reality, she goes off of the deep end.
jumped outside of the car and quickly ran to stand by the
trunk. Chan stood with the driver's door open, crying hysterically,
reaching out a helpless hand to her.
looked over at her, smiling brightly and her eyes wide with
energy. She walked over to Chan, their eyes locked, and
took her into her arms. She placed Chan's hands in her face
and kissed her softly. Hugging her quickly, she held out
her hands for the handshake. Chan reluctantly performed
the hand slaps, having to laugh, as she did each time as
Angie took a step back to gain the momentum to bring her
5'2 frame up to her 5'10 for their ceremonial chest bump.
Angie quickly scurried to just behind the white line that
separated safety from mayhem. She closed her eyes as the
wind and force of the passing vehicles swayed her to and
fro. Chan saw a Mack truck coming and closed her eyes, waiting
for the impact. Nothing. Angie looked at her with an anxious
smile. Another one was charging in the distance.
Chan ran towards her, screaming, "ANGIE! THIS HAS GONE
Angie looks directly into Chan's eyes, smiles wildly, replying,
"C'mon Jack, you can never take a fantasy too far...".
...I moved in next door to her about two years ago and the
moment we finally met, we were inseparable. I say "finally"
because it took her over a month to climb down from her
high horse and open up her pursed lips long enough to extend
me one word.
I had even gone to her front door. This tall, hot number
answered after the fifth or sixth ring, extremely exasperated,
and extremely annoyed. I had seen her in the window so I
knew she was home. She threw open the door, never skipping
a beat in her caddy conversation she was having on a cell
phone. I stood there for about ten minutes watching her
through the screen door before she waved her hand towards
me claiming to not have time to talk to me. I thought it
very unnecessary for her to slam the door in my face, especially
on such a beautiful Fall day. Boy, was she tight. I started
laughing to myself of how much fun I was going to have with
"Smokey Long Tail"
true that every animal has it's own personality. And just
like human beings, every animal has his or her own story.
But no animal, big or small, seemed to have a personality
as unique or a story so adventurous as Smokey Long Tail.
Let's start at the beginning. It's been said that Smokey
Long Tail was born on an Indian reservation in the middle
of old Chief Daniel Ashe's farm.
His mother, Mama Light Foot, was a wanderer, and she would
travel from the mountains through the lakes and across the
highways. Her quickness was known by all and she could dodge
a hundred cars to get from one side to the other.
The only time she was ever known to slow down was when she
had her kittens. Yes, on January 24, 2000 - she broke the
record on that reservation.
Out came one, then two, three, then four, five, SIX, and
just when she thought she was done... "BLOOP"
- lucky number seven popped out with such force the little
ball of fur jumped three feet! Mama Light Foot lay tired
but proud of her litter.
She looked them over carefully as they lay close to her.
And she counted: "One, two, three, four, five, six.
All girls!" She smiled. Then her smile went away. "Why,
where is seven?" she thought.
She kissed each of her babies before getting to all fours.
Looking around everywhere, she began to get worried. She
looked underneath old Chief Daniel Ashe's old red truck.
No seven. She hurried over to the hollow log that she often
slept in for shade.
No seven. She ran over to the Squirl With Twirl (because
her tail had a little curl at the very end of it) and asked
if she had seen seven. No luck. She ran from tree to tree,
from bush to bush. Pretty soon every animal on the reservation
was looking for this seventh kitten...
blind eyes see when looking backwards...
It was a crisp night for Southern California when her eyes
cast upon another's in a way that seemed they would never
tear away. February 21, 1997. Immediately, her heart jumped
to her sleeve and she fell for him like a bag of cement to
the floor. With her entire mind and body, she followed his
laughter and bright blue eyes with immense passion. Passion
that she could feel from the callousness of her heels to the
vessels of her brain...like blood pumping after fleeing an
attacker. Her heart was in her throat; beating harder and
harder with each glance - and when he touched her, she felt
him reach inside and put her heart back to rest, while at
the same time, sending a tingling jolt of excitement bringing
her blood into a full boil.
And she loved him. Adored him. Gave him every inch of her
the second he offered permission. Tears of definitive pleasure
came to her eyes at the thought of being near to him. She
watched above as he encircled her; sprinkling her with unabashed
veneration - allowing her to climb so deeply inside his world.
She was certain they were destined to be one person. Her love
for him was completely abstract; beyond reality - so incredibly
passionate like those only found in gruesome fairytales. Ones
that ended so wonderfully; and others that ended so gravely
due to the potency of their love.
Her heart sunk at the thought of losing him. She began to
feel shrouded with insecurity and fear. Like a bloodsucker,
she clung desperately to him; tighter and tighter 'til her
knuckles turned white with pressure. Never had she been a
part of something so animated; so impassioned...the thought
of losing him bated her breath. Her insecurity shamed her
and her pride disallowed her to express to him how his mere
presence made her believe there was good in the world. So
badly she wanted to let go and give to him all that he deserved
- but her fear built an incognizant shield about her. Her
heart tried desperately to push itself into his view but her
obstinacy was impenetrable. As she clutched him tighter, she
could feel him tearing away...